To All Who Fear They'll Never Heal-On the 8th Anniversary of My Sister's Death (A "Day of GratefulLovingJoy")

18 Oct To All Who Fear They’ll Never Heal- On the 8th Anniversary of My Sister’s Death (A “Day of GratefulLovingJoy”)

Posted at 02:01h in Dealing With Grief by Dr. Christina Hibbert 0 Comments

To All Who Fear They'll Never Heal-On the 8th Anniversary of My Sister's Death (A Day of GratefulLovingJoy) www.DrChristinaHibbert.com Today, October 17^th, is “Shannon day,” the day my sister died, eight years ago. When Shannon died, it was so unexpected, so traumatic, so tragic, so unbelievable, it sent my entire family reeling for years. Not only did we inherit our nephews and have a baby a couple weeks later, but it shattered the little bit of innocence we had left–that we were safe, that life could go on–at least, it shattered us for a while. (Read our story in my award-winning memoir, This is How We Grow)

My youngest sister, Miki, had died of cancer 14 years prior, sucking up my first bits of innocence, teaching that death must come to all—for some, it seems, far too soon. When Rob (Shannon’s husband) died, and then, two months later, Shannon, it seemed like death was on a rampage. We lost 6 family members in two years during that time, including our beloved “Papa Dave.” It was tough enough for me to try and make sense of things, but for my kids? It seemed incomprehensible they should experience so much death, so young.

But kids are resilient, and so are we. Though time alone doesn’t heal the wounds of

Shannon and me, in Jamaica, in 2001. What a joy to have had that week together, making memories I’ll treasure always!

living on when those we love are no longer living, time plus work plus love, does heal. Each year, we worked through more pieces of the pain. Each year, we grew as a family. We adopted the boys, and the children matured and thrived. We stopped when needed, to catch our breath, to feel, each returning to counseling or grief work to heal a bit more. Then, we got going again. It’s the only thing we can really count on: life keeps on going.

Last year, when our dear friend, Jody, took her life—another unexpected, traumatic, tragic loss for us all—it felt like too much once again. It felt like, “Why does this keep happening to us? To me? To my children?” It felt like, “I don’t want to be stuck in the land of the dead. I don’t want to be flooded with grief again.” But I was, and we all were, and we struggled again, and then, we began to heal–again. To all Who Fear They'll Never Heal- On the 8th Anniversary of my Sister's Death; www.DrChrisitnaHibbert.com

Grief is an important step in this indescribable experience of life and death—a sign of love for those we’ve lost, a sign we love them still. As my family and I grieved Jody, we grew to love her husband and children as part of our extended family. Again, we lost innocence, but again we matured, again we learned and we grew.

To All Who Fear They’ll Never Heal: “You Will.”

Today, on the 8^th anniversary of Shannon’s death, I can honestly say, “I’ve healed.” I don’t feel grief. I don’t feel fear or pain or sorrow. In fact, I almost forgot this day was coming—a huge change from years past. Because life changed so drastically those years ago, this time of year–the fall, the chill in the air, the month of October–has naturally reminded me of our Fall. However, this year, the weather has remained warm and beautiful and inspiring, until today. This year, I did not fear. I did not hide. I did not ignore. I simply let today come, as the rain has come, and here it is, and here am I.

It’s a rainy day, but a remarkable one. The clouds are hanging around, yet hardly a drop has fallen. The sun has poked through and warmed us, and I’ve even had the windows

Our first scuba dive! Such joy I feel when I see these pics! Oh, how I love my sis.

open, to bask in the stillness and the majesty of life. Birds chirp, people stir, and I listen, and I smile. Then, the drops begin to fall once more, and I feel full of peace and joy. Rain washes away the old and makes all things watered, refreshed, vibrant, and new.

That’s how I feel today—refreshed, peaceful, vibrant, and new. I feel changed. I feel evolved. I feel at peace. Proof we can heal. Proof we do carry on.

Tomorrow is Jody’s birthday. Today is Shannon’s death day. This year, these feel significant—only hours separating the days of life and death. Isn’t that how it goes? Life and death coexist together, and it is terrible and beautiful all at the same time. But mostly, beautiful.

All I feel is gratitude—gratitude for breath and life and waking and sleeping, To All Who Fear They'll Never Heal-On the 8th Anniversary of my Sister's Death www.DrChristinaHibbert.com for hearts beating and souls enlarging, for love flowing and God growing us in love, endlessly.

Mingled with gratitude is love—how can it be otherwise? Love for my sister and for my dear friend, and for our children and families. Love for my husband, for having been given so many opportunities to truly love others, to share the wisdom and goodness and light that have come through these trials.

Where gratitude and love are, joy must abound, and so it does today. Joy for all we’ve been through—joy because without Shannon and Rob, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Joy knowing there is a plan, and it is a plan of happiness, a plan where families are forever, a plan that allows us to be together again one bright day. Joy for feeling this, knowing it, alive in my soul.

A “Day of GratefulLovingJoy”

Today, I say goodbye to “Shannon day.” Not that I don’t want to remember her. I will never forget her, and especially not on October 17^th. No, I say goodbye because I am changed. As the saying goes, “The leaves are about to show us how to let the dead things go.” We don’t let our loved ones go. No. But, as we heal, we let the pain and sorrow go. We replace them with things like gratitude and love and joy.

Laughing, as usual, at Dunn’s River falls, in Jamaica. This is how I will always remember Shannon and me–laughing, together!

Today, instead, I institute the “Day of GratefulLovingJoy“! A day to focus on all we’re grateful for. A day to feel and offer love. A day to tap into the joy that is deep within us all, a permanent reminder that life carries on, through loving greatly. Since they cannot be separated, the word expresses the same: grateful-loving-joy. Like lovingkindness, it’s a concept we should embrace and live.

So, tonight, today, join me in expressing gratefullovingjoy. Remember those you love. Number your blessings, and express them to those in your life and to your Creator. Love with a hug, a smile, a kind word, a shoulder, a burden lifted. Let love in, and feel the joy. It’s there. It’s always there, even when it’s raining outside. The joy—the sun—is always there.

Will you join me in my “Day of GratefulLovingJoy?” Even if it’s another day of the year, I hope you will! We all need a little more gratitude, love, and joy in our days, and we can create it by focusing, purposefully, upon it. Please share your experiences with me in the comments section, below.