“What is the true meaning of self-care?” I’ve been asking myself this over and over these past many months. 

Since my diagnosis of breast cancer in July, my entire world has turned upside down. Not only do I need constant care from medical providers, medicines, family, and friends; I need constant care from myself. 

For the first holiday season ever, I have been down. And by down, I mean DOWN. I had my last chemotherapy session just 10 days before Christmas, and had emergency surgery just one week prior to that. I have been through major physical and emotional trauma, dismantled, piece by piece, broken down to my core. I’ve had no other option but to stay in bed, resting, letting others help and care for me. It’s been a struggle. (Watch the video I recorded right after my last round of chemo here.)

Why? Intellectually, it seems like it’d be easy to let others care for me while I’m going through something as huge as cancer, but in reality, it’s tough. I don’t like to feel like I’m continually in need, to feel like I can’t do what I could normally do, to feel so unlike my usual “self.”

And because I have felt so unlike “me,” I’ve struggled to practice the best kinds of self-care. Especially during the holiday season, I want to be up, doing what I would normally do to serve my family and others. But I can’t. So, I’m learning, in new and powerful ways, how to receive love, say “no,” set healthy  boundaries, and approach myself with a lot more compassion.

If I’ve learned anything during these 5 ½  months of breast cancer treatment, it’s this: Self-care is the most basic building block of self-worth. 

As we care for our wants, needs, and desires, as we listen to that deeper voice within telling us what matters most, we build trust--trust in ourselves and in our Higher Power--trust we need in order to feel self-worth.

I want to share what I’ve been learning with you. As we move not only into a new year, but into an entirely new decade, perhaps we could all do a little better at giving ourselves the gifts of self-care, and thus giving ourselves the greatest gift of all: the gift of true self-worth.

Watch the beginning of my Motherhood 2.0 episode, “Holiday Self-Worth: The 11 Gifts of Worth” to hear the full story of how imperfect I am, and how this post actually came to be! Also, tune in for more details and suggestions related to the following 11 “gifts.” Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel for updates on all my new videos! 

12 Gifts of Self-Care & Self-Worth

1) The Gift of Slowing Down.

The gift of slowing down is the gift of being. It is doing less as we are being more. 

I’ve been learning this gift in profound ways these past many months. Especially after surgeries and during chemotherapy, the ONLY option has been to slow down, to pause, to stop even, and see what shows up, day by day, moment by moment. I’ve seen firsthand the power we bring into our lives when we slow down, pause, and SEE. 

What do I mean by “see?” See where you really are in life. See WHO you really are. See what you really need. See the good, the bad, the ugly, AND the exceptional. 

As we slow down, we begin to see ourselves and the world around us, not as we idealize or criticize it to be, but as it really is. We begin to get a sense of who we really are. 

Slowing down is a gift of self-care that brings us a greater sense of our true worth and allows us to then give a sense of true worth to others. Whereas busyness leads us away from our worth. Even if we think it doesn’t, even if we think being “busy” means we ARE worthy, it doesn’t. It actually keeps us so busy that we don’t have time to stop and notice who we really are, or to notice and feel the worth of others. 

Give yourself, and your family, the gift of slowing down. Take time to pray, ponder, reflect on who you are and who you desire to be, and remember to notice all you’ve overcome and who you are becoming. Feel your true worth as you slow down.

One of my favorite family memories came when we all chose to slow down and hit the pause button. As we whacked my birthday piñata together, even as I was completely sick from chemo, we laughed, we felt joy, and we even experienced healing. This is the power of slowing down to see.

2) The Gift of Realness

Once we slow down, or pause, it’s essential to give ourselves the gift of realness--the gift of authenticity, being true to ourselves, the gift of honesty.

This is one thing I’ve been able to do incredibly well these past many months. I have shared every part of my #BreastCancerWarrior Journey with openness, honesty, and complete realness (follow my journey here….). No putting makeup on to “look” the part. No writing scripts to act the part. Simply being real--with the bags under my eyes, crying or angry, sharing the ups and downs and even lower downs of what it means to experience something like cancer. 

It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, sharing my story. And it WAS a conscious decision. Because I was able to pause after learning of my diagnosis, and think about how I wanted to handle it, I was able to make the choice that was best for ME--sharing my journey openly. And because I made that decision, I have become connected with incredible people who are fellow warriors, survivors, thrivers, and with my friends and loved ones, and new friends, in powerful ways. 

This is the power of realness: it connects us. It bonds us. As we share our realities first with ourselves, by opening our eyes to what “is,” and then with others, we create a world where each soul knows they are not alone. We form friendships and build support systems that are strong. 

As we let a little more “real” show up in our lives each day, we exhale a little more. We find we are less stressed, less pressured, and compare a lot less, too. 

As I wrote in This is How We Grow, “It’s exhausting being who I think I am.” It is. That’s why realness is such a gift. Letting go of all we “think” we “should” be, we not only feel relief, we begin to comprehend who we truly ARE.

3) The Gift of Letting Go

If we are able to slow down and get real, then it’s time to ask, “What can I let go?” 

We tend to skip “onto the next” so quickly and automatically. Especially as the New Year approaches, we want to get our goals, resolutions, or themes all set up; we’re ready to leave the old behind without a backward glance.

May I humbly suggest a different approach? One that honors where we are right now and where we have been this past year AND this past decade? One that makes us choose to slow down and pause long enough to look back and see how far we’ve come? One that allows ourselves to honor all we’ve survived, all we’ve overcome & achieved, and one that also allows us to acknowledge the many things that are best left behind?

This is my personal approach this last week of the year, of the decade, especially with all I’ve gone through this past several months of breast cancer. I offer it as a gift for you to give yourself, too.

What no longer serves you that you’d like to leave behind, in 2019? How might you honor all you have #overcome, who you have #become, and how you are now or hope to soon be #flourishing? What would you like to bring with you into #2020? 

Give yourself the gift of time. Time to reflect. Time to ponder. Time to #justbreathe and #bewhereyouare and see where you do, and DON’T need to go. Then, choose to let go of what you no longer need, want or desire. 

Letting go can be challenging, but it’s an essential part of self-care, and of self-worth. We must let go of the old if we ever hope to grow into the new. We must let go of old ways of thinking, feeling, believing, if we ever hope to grow into who we truly are, to reach our fullest potential, to become our best and truest self.

So, what will you leave behind?

4) The Gift of Showing Up.

In this busy time of year, it’s easy to get so caught up in physically “showing up”–at parties, activities, being a body in a place, doing “the thing.” Instead, what about showing up emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? Showing up means being present in your life, and what a present you can give to yourself–and others! Say, “I want to show up in my life. I want to notice all the beauty and love and light around me,” and then do it. First, slow down. Then, get real with yourself. Let go of all you think you “should” be or do, and simply show up, day after day, moment after moment. Let yourself feel the emotions you feel. Honor them.

This is what I’m seeking to do as we wrap up 2019 and move into 2020--continue showing up, no matter how that may look or feel or be each day. It’s a lesson I’ve learned from dealing with Breast Cancer: all that’s required is to show up, to face what comes, to feel what arises, and to BE where we are.

5) The Gift of Humility.

If we want to fully show up in our lives, and to receive the gift of “realness,” we must learn true humility. Humility is really just letting ourselves do all these things above–it allows us to slow down and stop the busyness and to show up emotionally and spiritually, to be real and authentic and to let go of all we no longer need. 

Pride is the opposite of humility. We don’t need to go around telling or proving to everyone who we are, how “great” we are, or how much we “do.” In fact, as I’ve often told my too-prideful teenage sons, “If you have to tell everyone how great you are, you’re probably not.” 

Only when we lay aside the pride do we really open the door to who we truly are–letting God and those we love, and ourselves, show us our true worth. Only in humility, when we’re teachable, can we truly experience self-worth. In fact, I’ve learned that humility and true self-worth are actually the same thing.

WATCH/LISTEN: “Don’t Shrink, Shine!” Humility, Charity, & True Self-Worth, Motherhood TV & Podcast

READ: The Greatest Battles of Motherhood are won Within

6) The Gift of Self-Forgiveness.

When we’ve done something wrong–we’ve hurt our friend or child, we’ve missed something important, or whatever it may be–it’s important to recognize it and then forgive ourselves. 

Sometimes, we experience what I call “motivational guilt”–the kind of guilt that tells us we’ve really done something wrong, and we want to make it right. Pray, journal, ponder, and then go to the other person to make it right. And then, let it go. Like we said above, when we hold on to things we don’t need, we prevent ourselves from feeling our true worth. 

Sometimes, however, we’re experiencing what I call “depressive guilt”–the kind of guilt we cling to that isn’t because of something we actually need to change, but rather from something we tell ourselves we “should have” done or “should have done better.”. We feel guilty about being at work when we should’ve been at home. We feel guilty about being unable to care for our loved ones because we were sick. I’ve felt this too many times these past months, as I’ve been unwell and unable to do all I normally would, or think I “should” have done for my family. 

But this kind of guilt just festers and makes us miserable, and it blocks our self-worth. Let it go. Work on self-forgiveness and letting go; what an incredible gift for you, and all around you.

READ: Overcoming Mom Guilt

7) The Gift of Learning & Growth.

You know I’m a huge proponent of personal growth, and I’ve written a LOT about how to do it. The most important gift we can give ourselves when it comes to personal growth is the WILLINGNESS to grow. The MINDSET of growth that says, “No matter what comes, I will use it to grow taller and brighter and fuller.” 

This is exactly what I’ve been striving to do as I’ve been going through breast cancer; I’ve been striving to GROW through it, too. Learning and growing is a beautiful way to practice self-care. It gives us a deeper understanding of all that comes to us in life, it helps us use even the crappiest things as “mulch” for personal growth.

READ: This is How We Grow: Understanding the Seasons of Personal Growth

8) The Gift of Potential.

If we have a mindset of personal growth, then we must feel some inkling of our true potential. Why is that we so often struggle to see the beauty, talent, necessity, of what we have to offer the world? Believe in your potential. Spend time pondering your gifts, what you feel “called” to do, and how you might begin doing it. You may want some help feeling and realizing your potential. My GROW Group Coaching program is a great place to start (click here for more details). As we begin to open ourselves up to the possibilities we each personally possess, we are caring for ourselves in the ultimate way AND building our sense of self-worth.

9) The Gift of a Voice!

If you’ve been following my breast cancer journey, you know I haven’t been silent. I’ve been speaking up about every step of this insane journey, and it’s not only helped me deal, feel, and heal; it’s helped hundreds of others, too. That makes me feel really good, knowing that even if I’m struggling right now, I can use my story and my voice to better care for myself AND others.

You have a voice too, whether you know it or not. It may come out through speaking up, singing, or teaching. It may show up through art, loving others, or advocating. It may show up through service, charity, or being a true friend. Whatever the way, your voice is YOURS, and it is essential to feeling, and living from, self-worth. How might you use your voice to uplift, inspire, heal, help, or motivate yourself and others, today?

Here are other ways to follow my story and connect with me:

10) The Gift of Loving & Being Loved.

Oh how important this is! We too often believe it’s because of the love of others that we have worth. This is so not true! We may have thousands of followers, receive a standing ovation from a crowd, have hundreds of friends, but it means nothing if we don’t love ourselves. 

It is actually in loving that we find our care and our worth, not in being loved. As we love others, including our Higher Power or God, and let their love back in, we FEEL cared for, we begin to live from a place of true worth, talents, and potential. We develop a talent for loving others, and we develop a talent for letting others love us, too.

READ: The How’s of Love: 7 Skills for a Loving Relationship

Learning Self-Love: 5 Tricks for Treating Yourself More Kindly

The Power of Pure Love: You are Known, You are Needed, You are Loved

Loving and being loved by dear friends on my last day of chemo.
Oh, the power of love!

11) The Gift of Grace.

Through many personal experiences and especially these past months dealing with breast cancer, I’ve learned that there is so much more mercy and forgiveness and love available to us than we realize. We have access to more power and inspiration and wisdom than we know. All we have to do is tap into it. 

We have to tap into the gift of grace by doing all the things listed above, by choosing to care for ourselves, to nurture and show compassion for, to show up and speak up, to slow down and let go. As we slow down and see our worth, we can show up courageously for whatever life brings. We will be real, authentic, and let go of perfectionism or anything we no longer need, humbling ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and letting ourselves use all these things to learn and grow. 

That’s what 2019 taught me: that self-care is powerful, essential, and the key to beginning to feel our true, full potential, to use our voice in our unique way, and to love and be loved to the fullest. This is grace in action, and it is how we feel our worth. It’s how we know, deep down, that we are beautiful, incredible, sent for a purpose, ready to start living that purpose with meaning and love, and to be a light in our own way. 

This is self-care, and it’s the beginning of true self-worth. This is the result of these 11 gifts of worth, and as we receive this greatest of gifts, grace, we give others permission to do the same.

12) REPLENISH!

This final, bonus gift is the gift of letting yourself recharge, energize, play, love, enjoy, nurture, inspire, and share yourself in new, profound ways. Join me for my 8-Day REPLENISH Challenge as I teach you the skills of powerful self-care to start this new year not with a bang but with the rest, compassion, reboot you really need to do 2020 RIGHT.  

With a short video/audio lesson and one simple self-care assignment each day, this is your chance to do New Year a whole new way. Sign up below, and don’t forget to invite your friends to join us! Hope to see you there!