01 Jan How to NOT Set New Year’s Resolutions: 3 Solutions
Happy New Year!
It’s New Year’s morning 2019, 10 am, and I’m in my warm bed (still), looking at the piles of snow outside my window, thinking of the change and growth 2019 will bring, and writing to you.
We all want good things for this, and every, new year, don’t we? We want better things, best things. But how is that to be?
New Year’s Resolutions have been the “way” for ages, and the concept of “resolving” to do better, to be better, in the coming year is one I respect greatly. But New Year’s Resolutions don’t usually LAST for most of us. Why is this?
Why is it such a challenge to change?
Research on change teaches us a couple of important things:
1) Most of us aren’t actually READY to make the changes we desire. We may WANT to change. We may THINK we’re ready, but most of us aren’t quite there yet. We haven’t given ourselves the opportunity to really tune in with where we are and what we need at this point of our lives. We haven’t allowed time for honesty and depth of understanding about what we are actually READY to change right now.
2) Too many of us fail to make a solid plan. We don’t give ourselves enough time to go through all the stages of change, (and there are actually six, not just one like most of us believe)! Instead, we say, “Hmm. I don’t like x, y, or z about myself, so I’m going to be ‘better’ at x, y, and z this year.” We may set goals about x, y, and z. Then, we TRY to be better at x, y, and z, only to find, a week or two or four later, we’re back to square one.
3) Finally, we forget that true change isn’t about a goal or two or ten, which we set because the calendar says it’s time to set goals. True change is a PROCESS, and often, a long one. It requires not only a readiness and willingness to make the changes we desire; it requires contemplation and planning before taking action, and then a plan for maintaining the change, too. It requires a willingness to go back to the drawing board and change our plan for change, as needed, to ensure we’re continually on track for where we hope to one day be and who we hope to one day become. It requires a willingness and ability to continually choose to grow.
This is How We Grow: Understanding the Seasons of Personal Growth
How to NOT Set New Year’s Resolutions
This is why I’m suggesting perhaps the best way to “do” New Year’s change is to NOT do New Year’s Resolutions.
Instead of sitting down today, or yesterday, or tomorrow or next week and writing out a list of goals and plans we didn’t really have time to comprehend or prepare to undertake, what if we do New Year’s change differently?
What if, instead of “New-Year Resolutions,” we instead choose “ALL-YEAR growth?”
Watch my latest Motherhood TV episode, “3 Ways to NOT set New Year’s Resolutions,” on my YouTube channel, and SUBSCRIBE for updates on all my latest videos!
3 Simple Strategies for (Lasting) New Year’s Change
I offer three simple suggestions as a potential place for us to start…
1) Set a “yearly theme.”
This is the way I’ve been doing New Year’s change since 2004, when I first realized that setting goals and making resolutions just wasn’t working for me. Sure, it led to some positive changes and even some growth…but, it was short-lived. It didn’t last all year, and I wanted to REALLY grow and change, all year long.
Instead, I settled on a year-long “Theme.”
Read, “What I’ve learned about Personal Growth from a Decade of New Year’s Themes”
My themes have ranged from phrases–“Carpe diem!”–to words and ideas of who I’m striving to be–“Gratitude,” “Charity,” “Grace.” But they are more than just a word or a group of words, to me. They are the “theme” for my entire upcoming year–the focus, the traits and understanding I’m striving to learn and implement into my being.
A theme is like a party theme–it sets the tone for the entire event. A yearly theme offers guidance, suggestions, and hope for true change and growth all year long.
Not only do I set the “yearly theme;” I actively work on it in different aspects every month of the entire year. Sometimes, I set a goal to read a book on the theme, or to write what I know so far about the theme. Then, I look for new ways to not only learn, cognitively, about the theme, but to really and truly implement the principles behind the theme.
For example, this past year was my year of grace. I started reading good books explaining grace, reading scriptures, writing my thoughts on all I was learning each month, and I began to see a pattern. Every month, I was learning one major new insight related to grace. And eventually, I saw that I was no longer learning about grace; I was learning grace. I was seeing it in my daily activities and attitudes. I was feeling it empower and change me. I was witnessing myself change through grace.
My theme for 2019 I started pondering and working on several months ago. In fact, I almost selected it last year but last minute knew “grace” was for 2018 instead. This year, my theme is, “Faith,” and already I have a specific focus for month one of my new theme: the power of faith. I have books and scriptures and my journal ready to go, and have even already read some powerful articles that are guiding my focus on faith this year. It will evolve as the year progresses, but one thing I can say for sure: By the end of 2019, I will have grown significantly in faith. I will have become a more faithful woman, with more understanding of how to use faith day-to-day, and with a knowledge of faith that, while it might not surpass anyone else’s, will surely surpass my own knowledge and wisdom that of faith I have right now.
You might set a monthly goal related to one aspect of your yearly theme. You might use suggestion 3, below, to create a “vision” for your yearly theme, and to focus in on how your theme will lead you closer to your life’s purpose and help you fulfill your life’s mission.
However you set it up, a yearly theme can be a tool of power, for as I have learned in the coming on 15 years I’ve been doing this: a yearly theme can be a powerful tool of change.
This is the power of not only a yearly theme, but of any method of New Year change, done right: It has the power to change not only some of what you do, but to change who you are and to empower who you are becoming, every single day.
Read, “New Year, New YOU: 6 Strategies for Change & Personal Growth”
2) Select a “word” or “intent.”
This has become a popular way to do things in the past several years. You’ve no doubt seen all kinds of blog posts, and even jewelry, all encouraging you to find your “word” for the year. And I love the idea. It’s very similar to a yearly theme.
Having one word or intent for the year helps us overcome the blocks to keeping resolutions mentioned above by simplifying things into one main focus. It can bring clarity and insight, and like the yearly theme, can offer an entire year to make change, and not just the first few weeks of the first month of the year.
I will add, however, that the reason I prefer the “theme” to a word or even intent is because of the deeper meaning behind the practice. While a word and intention is great to guide us as we start the new year, it will only create lasting change if we REMEMBER and actively WORK on that “word” or “intention.”
Change doesn’t usually happen by chance. It is a process of hard work and effort that requires our full attention. If you’ve chosen to use a word or intent for the year, then perhaps you could try some of the suggestions above to go deeper into that word or intent. Perhaps, you could add some specific goals for how you will use the word or intent this year to learn, improve, and grow.
My SMART Goal-Setting Worksheet (find it on my Exercise for Mental Health page) might help!
Read, “New Year’s Re-SOLUTIONS” for more ideas!
3) Create a New Year “vision” or “mission.”
One final idea is to create a New Year’s “vision,” or to focus in on your true purpose and mission for this year.
This is a huge part of what I do with my yearly theme, as it should be part of whatever type of change, goals, or resolutions you choose to set. We must first “see” where we are currently headed and where we desire to be headed, if we are to truly make change that lasts. Unless we can envision our desired future, it will be very difficult to get to that future.
The following tools can show you how:
Beyond Resolutions: Discover your New Year Vision
Personal Growth Tools: Create your Life’s Vision
Visit my homepage to download my NEW, free worksheet & video, “How to Write Your Mission Statement!”
New Year: New U!
Bottom line: If you want a new YOU this new year, then you need a new U–a new University of learning, a new way to grow, a new approach to your personal development, improvement, and self-mastery.
The three ideas above are a start, but there are countless ways to become the you you’ve always wanted to be.
As a start, you can join my “8-Day REPLENISH Self-Care Challenge,” starting on Monday, January 7-Monday January 14! Registration opens soon, so keep your eyes peeled, because I’ll be sharing the best tools to help you slow down after the busy holiday season, take stock of who you are and striving to become, and then put not only the plan but the TOOLS in place to enable you to get there.
And, coming January 14th, at the end of our free challenge, I am launching my brand new program, “GROW Monthly!” This is an exciting new way for you to grow, monthly, with me, all year long, and details and registration are on the way!
These are just the beginning of the personal growth, self-mastery, and “overcoming, becoming, flourishing” skills, tools, and programs I’ll be sharing with you in 2019, so be sure to SUBSCRIBE to my newsletter/email list, above right or below, so you won’t miss a thing!
It’s going to be an incredible year, my friend. That is, it will be if we choose it to be. Let’s choose growth this year. Let’s slow down, go deep, and prepare for incredible change and growth not only on New Year’s Day, but all year long.