“Dear Body,” My Breast Cancer Photo Shoot with BRCA Strong

"Dear Body,

I once thought you were my enemy.

Now I know BREAST CANCER is the enemy.

And you?..."

Imagine writing a letter to your body...

What would it say?

That's what I was asked to do as part of the BRCA Strong "Dear Body" photo shoot I flew across the country, last minute, to participate in, last month. It was a daunting task for me.

You see, the photo shoot was held one day before my 2-year "cancerversary" since diagnosis, and 2 years to the day since my biopsy and that sinking, knowing feeling that, "Yes, this IS going to happen."

And so began a whirlwind, or tidal wave (after tidal wave) of surgeries and infections, and chemotherapy, and complications, resulting in 4 intense rounds of chemotherapy, 35 hours of cold-capping to save my hair (it worked), and 13 total surgeries over the next 18 months.

My body had been thrashed. It had been wrecked, over and over.

And only months after being told my treatment was "done" (and learning it's never really done), I realized: I thought MY BODY was the enemy.

But really, my enemy was breast cancer.

But I realize now, my body ISN'T the enemy...

Cancer is the enemy. Or, for me, these past 2 years, it has been, and still is. 

For other times of my life, postpartum depression was the enemy. Or deep and painful grief. Or having been hit by a car, and a year later falling, and having 2 concussions.

The point is: Our bodies are the miracles. The illness, loss, stressful situation is the enemies.

"You are a WARRIOR.

WE ARE WARRIORS!

Not because we're expert fighters,

but because we SHOW UP--

battle after battle, knocked down, bruised, bloodied, broken,

always standing to FIGHT once more."

I know now...

My body IS a miracle. 

It has endured for so hard and for so long, through a double mastectomy, hysterectomy, numerous reconstruction surgeries, staph infections, BRCA1 genetic mutation, chemotherapy, cold-capping, kidney stones, blood clots, breast implant illness, DIEP Flap reconstruction, a life-threatening and body-changing emergency strangulated hernia surgery, and even after breast cancer treatment is supposedly over, my body is fighting and enduring lymphedema, chronic nausea and constipation, abs and a core that is "wrecked" ("you don't have abs anymore," I believe were the hernia surgeon's actual words), chemo brain, memory loss, brain fog, 20 pounds of weight gain during chemo alone, and another 17 pounds AFTER all the surgeries were complete, forced menopause, and of course the mental/emotional toll of PTSD, depression, and so very much grief.

And counting....

I marvel at all my body has endured, and how well it has endured it all.

I marvel at the healing properties of the body, and how I AM healing, even as I struggle in many ways.

I marvel at MY body. MY body IS a marvel.

Even heavier than I've ever been, MY BODY IS A MARVEL.

Even scarred--on the inside even more than on the outside--MY BODY IS A MARVEL.

Even stretched and bent and broken and bruised, still--MY BODY IS A MARVEL.

"I love each scar for the story it tells,

and I LOVE YOU MORE than ever

because of all you've endured."

Your body is a miracle, a marvel, too.

Whatever YOU have endured, your body has endured it, too. 

The mind-body-spirit connection is REAL.

And until we make peace with, and even learn to LOVE, our bodies; our minds, our spirits, WE will never be at peace.

I honor my body by showing up for each fight, and giving it all I've got. 

So do you.

"Fight on, Warrior!

Love,

Me"