December 16, 2019

December 15, 2019

The night before possibly my last #chemo, & I’m praying it will happen, something I never thought I’d be wanting, but here we are. Feeling hopeful and full of #faith that whatever happens, it will be for the best & I will not be walking alone. Though I’ve been in & through the fire, I am NEVER alone. Praying for chemo to be finished tomorrow. Then it will be OVER, even if for the next several weeks I’ll still have to go THROUGH. And even though I’m usually all about “if you have to GO through it you might as well GROW through it,” right now, I’m good to just be GOING. Later, I can focus on the GROWING. 🙏

December 14, 2019

If you saw my last video, you know I’ve been struggling since this last emergency surgery. It’s like the final blow, the last piece of my body that could be taken, the complete dismantling. AND I’ve been working on #healing—healing from the #breastexplant, yes, but also from the #trauma of these past 5 months since I was diagnosed w #breastcancer—healing physically so I can hopefully be “strong enough” to do my final round of #chemo in a day.

Feeling all the things—sadness, #anger, #fear, pain, AND #gratitude, love, strength, #grace—it’s a struggle. I’m more depleted than ever going into #chemotherapy, & using every tool in my box to process & mend & rebuild strength.

That’s the thing with struggle—it’s not something we can ignore or minimize or distract away. It’s something we must walk through, experience, feel. There are so many things we just don’t talk about, too many things we feel we can’t say. I’m just #lettinggo and saying them all. ❤️

December 13, 2019

Yes I am. Yes we are. So beautiful. 💗

December 12, 2019

That’s what this feels like: every infection, surgery, #chemo, all of it. Like I’m being broken down to the core—not even the core of who I am, but the core of everything. This is hard core reality. This is pure survival. This is #trauma.

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Let it come. Inhale. Exhale. Feel it. Inhale. Exhale. Let it go….

I created this years ago to help my clients, & me, learn how to cope with #worry. There are so many things to worry about, & the truth is most of them never even happen. We waste our time & energy and create huge feelings like #anxiety and #panic or even #panicattacks, and all because of the IDEA of worry.
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I’m no stranger to worry, especially lately. In the world of #cancer, it seems everywhere you turn there’s yet another thing to worry about—HUGE, life and death worries. But using this tool, I remind myself it’s up to ME to CREATE the world around me—to choose a world of fear & worry OR to choose a better way.
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This #worrytree helps tremendously. It may be simple, but it’s effective. I know the “#letitgo” part can be tricky, but one tip: #lettinggo is a moment by moment DECISION we make. “In this moment, I choose to breathe and let it go. And then, in this one. And in this one…”. Another tip: practice makes progress, so just don’t give up, keep trying, and you’re on your way. Hope it’s helpful! Share w any worriers you know!

December 11, 2019

I thought I’d take a break from the “post-surgery hard stuff” & share a few of the touching, love-filled moments of the past week.
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1st, our friend, Matt Nickum, completed a 100 MILE bike race in my honor last month! This pic was taken last Thursday, in my plastic surgeon’s office (notice my gown!) moments before I learned I was having surgery. Matt was visiting in Flagstaff & was kind enough to come to me since I had to be at the Dr last minute. He gave me his medal from the race & told me, “every time I felt like I wanted to quit, I would look down at my bike, see your name, & think, if she can do it, I can too.” He said that for every one of his 100 miles, I am similarly walking this path of #breastcancer, & will make it to my “finish line,” too. I can’t tell you how touched I was & still am. Thank you Matt! 🙏
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Then, yesterday, I got a package in the mail from a high school friend, Tabetha. It was a beautiful quilt she had sewn for me, & the note said, “You inspired every inch of this.” 😭 It brought me to tears, as you can see by the 3rd pic. So incredibly thoughtful. I have no words. Thank you Tabetha! ❤️
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& Sunday, after a very rough day, physically & emotionally, Sydney came home from her BFFs house w this care package for our whole family. It came just when I needed a boost & uplifted all of us just when we needed it. Thank you Sami & Kaitlyn! 💗
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Lesson: Never suppress a generous thought. You never know when your gift, kind words, call, text, message is exactly what someone needs, to know they are loved, they’re not alone, to offer hope or peace or encouragement. It has certainly been so many, many times for me. Thank you to ALL who love me, & others, so beautifully. 🥰💕

December 09, 2019

Just as I think I’m going to catch my breath, the waves keep on crashing. 4 Days after yet another unexpected surgery, and Day 20 after my last #chemo, I’m giving it all I’ve got. I’m feeling what I feel—the good, the bad, the ugly, & some of the exceptional—not “trying to be positive,” put on a false smile, or make it seem worse than it is. But I need it to be said: minimizing this, or anyone’s, experience, saying it’s “just” anything (even if well-intentioned) is not only not helpful; it’s the opposite of #healing. Hoping this helps others know what NOT to say & how to be as supportive as can be—not just for me, but for ANYONE facing the waves. 🌊

December 07, 2019

I’m home. Came home yesterday afternoon after a successful #breastexplant surgery the night before and an overnight stay on IV antibiotics. The Dr said it was a good thing we did the surgery as quickly as we did, since the infection was already starting to get nasty and we were able to catch it before it got really bad. Don’t know exactly what it was but they cultured it, so should know soon. As the plastic surgeon said, “sometimes #chemo can make your immune system so low that an infection can sneak in.“ He then said, “it doesn’t happen that often, but you seem to have bad luck.“ Yep. So it seems. 🤷🏼‍♀️

December 04, 2019

Today blindsided me, first emotionally, then as a parent, and finally physically. All I can do now is wait…and pray.

My #1 Way to deal with Powerful Emotions… This is a good one!
(+GROW Group Coaching + BONUS Coaching session ends tonight! Visit my website for details)

December 02, 2019

What is the hardest thing about life? It’s easy to think of the big things, like #breastcancer or #loss, but are those really the hardest? Even more importantly, how can we overcome life’s hardest things? I’ve been working on this my entire life & career and especially lately, through #chemo, & I think I’ve got some solutions…..

November 30, 2019

On my toughest days, and especially these past months through #chemo, my thoughts run wild, telling me to “do more,” “give more,” “be more,” in order to be of “more” worth. It’s a lie, and one I luckily have learned how to catch and change. This #breastcancerjourney is harsh, just like winter can be, but it’s also beautiful, especially when I listen and learn. Here’s one of the most important lessons yet….

November 27, 2019

Chemo round 3, day 7, and I’m still feeling weak, exhausted, with digestive issues, headaches, sweats, and lots of other unpleasant things. AND I’m feeling GRATEFUL. More grateful than ever—for #chemo, and #coldcapping, & hair, and family and love and being alive. I may not always FEEL happy, but I’m giving my all to BE it as often as I can. 😊

November 22, 2019
It’s My Birthday!

Yep. It’s my birthday. And even though I just had #chemo yesterday, I’m not going to “have” a good birthday. I’m going to “make” one.

November 21, 2019
Round 3 of Chemotherapy

Your story is not over. My story is not over. In fact, it’s just beginning…again.
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Just a little of the #poetry and #handlettering I’ve been working on while being down going through #chemo & #breastcancertreatment.
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My story? That I will beat this, thrive, and use this precious time to learn and grow and share in bold new ways. What is your story right now?? 🗣

The progression of #chemo round 3–whew! what a day! I started off the day with energy finally, going for a walk, bringing the joy, being the #birthdaygirl (since tomorrow on my real bday I’ll be beat). It helps make chemo better.
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I was doing great, until… no one could get my IV into any of my now puny veins. After 4 failed attempts, my fave nurse got the 5th in, until it popped & all the pre-meds started swelling up in my arm! So left arm was out. It was right or nothing. 2 more failed attempts from awesome nurses, w one vein left to try or no chemo today. I was praying hard when the head nurse came & got that IV into the last possible vein. I couldn’t move my arm after that for fear it’d pop out, but we got the chemo drugs in!! 🙏
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All this meant an extra-long #coldcapping day totaling 9.5 hours! HUGE thank you to my capping team, OJ, my dear friend Leonore & my fav college friend, Emily. You can also see some special gifts friends brought for this round, including unicorn socks (if you know about the crazy-hot matrix, I’m a unicorn😉), from my bestie LaShelle @peoniesandpearlsdiy (who started chemo when I did, for lymphoma & is doing amazing!), a “hug” cuddle blanket filled with positivity from Angie Slack. And my little friend, “Punky the dog,” picked by Angies daughter Ellie. Not to mention my power necklaces and bracelets. 💥
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When it comes to #breastcancertreatment & chemo, it’s the little things that count. Like friends & simple gifts, & a warm bath at home after driving my own car partway, dropping it w my parents, & capping 5 times on snowy roads the rest of the way home w O. And getting to bed early after a very full day. Good night all. 😴

November 20, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: Chemo 3, Cold-Capping, & Saving my Hair

With #chemo round 3 tomorrow, so many have asked, “How do you still have hair?” No, it’s not because my chemo is mild. I would have been bald by now for sure. No, it’s not because I am so attached to my hair that I couldn’t bear to lose it; even though I didn’t want to lose it, I had to come to grips w the fact I may still lose it all. Really, it’s all because my oncologist recommended I do what’s called “cold capping.” I had never heard of it. Many have never heard of it or been offered the option. But it has been the most empowering option I’ve been given so far in this #breastcancerjourney—to have the option of attempting to keep my hair, to have that small bit of control, to not have to look sick for months after treatment is over, & to bring peace of mind to my children & family, too. Yes, “it’s just hair,” but also, it’s MY hair, & there’s nothing “just” about it for most women.

Chemo round 3 tomorrow, and this is what I’m trying to channel today. I’ve said it so many times: strength doesn’t always feel/look/seem like “strength,” but “there are a million ways to be strong,” including letting yourself feel/be “sick” & weak, resting, sleeping, feeling unwanted emotions, facing your own mortality, grieving, dealing with anger, etc. I seem to be learning them all. 🙏

November 18, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: The Ongoing Battle of #SelfWorth

Feeling better just days before #chemo starts again, I went to therapy today & had a breakthrough. Or a breakdown. Or both. “I’m trying to be the ‘perfect sick person or cancer patient,’” I admitted. But the opposite of #perfectionism is self worth. So when did I seemingly forget everything I thought I’d figured out about who I am, about loving myself no matter what? Apparently, that’s just part of the #breastcancerjourney….

What is “that thing you’ve been avoiding?”
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For me, that thing has been dealing with the core issues that have surfaced during #chemo—the core emotional issues. I think I avoid the hardest ones even while working on the “easier” ones. But today, I made myself deal with the hard ones too. And it’s been a long, exhausting day, but it feels so much better. So much better.

November 16, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: When You Have Nothing to Give

It’s hard for me to reach out when I’m overwhelmed emotionally, when I feel I have nothing to give. I want to isolate. I want to hide. But the truth is, though the physical aspects of #breastcancer & #chemo are rough, the emotions are even rougher. I want to be the “positive” “warrior,” to be a light. But that’s not where I am, & I’m learning that it’s not “negative” to be honest and real. That’s what I’m striving to be. That’s all I can give right now. 💗

November 14, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: Parenting through Cancer, Grief, Stress…

We hope it’s true that “no one fights alone,” but we KNOW it’s true that “No one SUFFERS alone.” No one goes through a major life stress like #breastcancer or loss or #mentalillness without it impacting the ones they love most. And when you’re the “mom,” or “dad,” it’s especially so. How has my diagnosis impacted my #family? In HUGE ways, and it’s the hardest thing to have to mother, to parent, when you’re so “down” yourself. Especially when your child(ren) are struggling with depression, anxiety, or something else equally overwhelming.

It CAN be done, however—with help & support & a whole lot of letting that help in. Here are some things I’m learning that I hope will help you parent through the tough times, & he’ll your #kids & family/friends, too.

November 13, 2019

I can’t say I absolutely no longer force things, but I am working on it. I’m working on being where I am, moment by moment, and not wishing I were somewhere else. What a shame it would be to go through this whole #breastcancerjourney and miss it—the hard times and the blessings. I want to fully experience it all. I need it to help me #grow. 🌱🌿🌳
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This doesn’t mean I’m trying to feel every miserable #chemo moment, or that I don’t distract myself from intense pain. I do. We must, sometimes. It’s how we can cope. Instead, it means that, like I said in my last video, I’m hopping on the wild stallions, bareback, grasping their manes tightly, and letting them ride me wherever we need to go. 🐎
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I’m showing up each day. And that’s what counts. And I’m working on showing up w grace, #selfcompassion, and #selflove. Loving myself no matter how I feel. And continuing to reach out and keep my relationships strong, whether I feel I have anything to give or not. I’m not good at that. I isolate when I feel I have nothing to give. I’m practicing bridging, no matter how I feel, how empty or full I may be, or where I am. I need supports more than ever, & I HAVE to learn to better reach out, ask for help, & let it in. 🙏
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I truly only have space for the things meant for me. So, what flows is flowing. What crashes will crash. I am in and along for the entire, crazy ride. 💯 💗

November 10, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: Powerful #Chemo Emotions & The Loving Thing to Do

Little did I know how much #chemotherapy would bring with it powerful feelings of #anger, grief, sadness, #fear, aloneness, & even rage. This past week I’ve been trying to figure out where all this came from, and even more, what I can do.

Whether we’re dealing w physical issues, like #breastcancer, or emotional or #mentalhealth issues, the truth is, we have to deal with ALL aspects, not just one. We need to #feel, and deal, if we ever hope to heal. Starting with the question, “What is the loving thing to do?” is one way to ensure we are practicing #selflove and #selfcompassion as we love ourselves through.

November 6, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: “Please Don’t Ignore Me” (& Others Like Me)

How often do we minimize, ignore or scroll past those who are really struggling—be it with #chemo, like me, or other illness, #depression, #anxiety, loss, #lifestress, you name it—all because we don’t know how to deal with it ourselves? Or because we’re too “busy” with our own lives? Or for whatever reason? I’ve been guilty far too often, but I’m making a plea: Please don’t ignore me in my struggle. Please don’t ignore your friend or family, or the stranger you meet. What a different world this would be if we would just stop for a few minutes, tap into pure love, and ACT upon it. 💗

November 1, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: Chemo Round 2-Prepared, Optimistic, Blessed 💗

Day 2 of #chemo round 2, and knowing what I’m in for the next couple weeks could easily get me down. But knowing better what to expect, being as prepared as possible, having reached out for and received help for myself and my family, and letting that help in has been a game changer. I feel optimistic that I will learn what I must, and my body will respond and recover. And I feel incredibly grateful for the miracles of modern medicine & intimately, just blessed. 🙏

October 31, 2019
Round 2 of Chemotherapy

#BreastCancerWarrior: How Genetic Testing is Saving Me, My Family (& YOU)

Today, I start #chemo round 2. It’s also the official last day of 2019’s #breastcancerawarenessmonth, though for me and many others the fight goes on every single day.

It’s tough to think my #breastcancer could’ve been prevented w better #genetictesting results, but through my diagnosis and getting the right testing & answers, we’ve already seen incredible #miracles in my #family & will see more in years to come with more my children.

What’s the ONE most important story I’ve NEEDED to share? This one. I need you to know my experience. I need you to know that the story, education, & advice I share in this video are ESSENTIAL for all, and especially for those with any family history of breast cancer or other cancers.

PLEASE WATCH, share, pass it on to all you know. Knowing this could save more lives than just mine & my family’s. I’m hoping, praying, it will. 🙏💗

October 29, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: On the Other Side of Fear

Day 19 post-#chemo round one and I finally felt normal. That is, after I woke up panic-stricken, anxious, and full of #fear. How did I get to the other side of fear? It’s a skill I’m getting good at, having so much practice lately. I have definitely seen first hand that all the love, peace, good…BEST things in life are on the other side of fear. Here are 3 things I do to get me there. 💗

October 28, 2019

“Celebrate the small victories.” “PS There are no small victories.” -Me
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I worked out for the first time since before my #breastreconstruction & #hysterectomy today—a small thing that felt huge. I only did an at home, 30-minute online #barre3 workout, I took it easy, I used very light weights (esp cause I’m not supposed to lift heavy things on my right side still—only been 4 weeks since #implantremoval surgery), but I did it. And even better? I FELT like doing it—the first day since #chemo round 1 I’ve felt that way. And I only felt that way after a rough morning dealing w some pretty intense anxiety the best way I know how—through #prayer, #scripturestudy, & #journaling.
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#Exercise is usually my daily #mentalhealth booster; it helps me fight #stress and #depression and #anxiety, and lately I just haven’t felt strong enough or well enough to do much more than drag my bones around the block a couple times. I know I won’t be able to work out like before, I won’t be able to do it consistently, esp w round 2 coming Thursday, but I’m soaking up every tiny victory, improvement, good feeling. I’m taking nothing for granted.
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That’s the best advice I can give—Take nothing for granted. Celebrate tiny victories. See the blessings. Rely upon your God & #faith to strengthen you. Feel the good. Let the light in when it’s shining. We never know when the clouds will come again. 💗

October 25, 2019

October 24, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: When You’re in #SurvivalMode

When you want to to thrive but can only survive…yep, that’s reality. Not just for me, but for so many of us. Health, #mentalhealth, #parenting; it’s relentless. And sometimes we need more than just a helping hand. Sometimes, we need medications, #antidepressants, and way more serious help than ever before. We must demand the help we need, and then let help in. The cost is too high if we don’t.

October 18, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: “Surrender,” Post-Chemo Day 9

9 Days after #chemo round one, and I’m finally turning a corner. Not gonna lie: It’s been rough. But We all have something. Something huge that swoops in and completely takes over life. Mine, right now, is #breastcancer, and #chemotherapy. At other times, it’s been #griefandloss, #postpartumdepression, #anxiety, & #parenting challenges. If each of us were to fill in the blank, “I am #overcoming ______,” we find we are all really going through the same things. And the way to not only go through it but to #grow through it is #surrender. Here are some thoughts on how.
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Visit www.drchristinahibbert.com for more resources on overcoming, #becoming and #flourishing.

October 15, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: #ChemoSucks, “You can’t tell by looking”

If I’m being honest, Yes, #chemo is as miserable as they say. It’s lonely, surreal, & difficult to put into words. Day 6 after my first round, & all I can do is be still, patient, & then start moving slowly again. All I can say is what my 11 year-old re-taught me again last night: “You Can’t tell by looking. So ask”

October 14, 2019

October 12, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: #Chemo Days 1-3, “I Want to Inspire People”

It’s not often you find #inspiration staying in bed, but when you’re Day 3 post- round 1 of #chemotherapy, that’s exactly where you find it. And then? You seek to share it. ❤️

October 10, 2019
Round 1 of Chemotherapy

Happy #breastcancerawarenessmonth! Today I wore pink to the max & started my first round of #chemotherapy. As you can see, we had a little fun, as I donned my crown necklace & pink cape from my sis-in-law (thank you @hibbs07–both fashionable & warm!!), and the best part? (swipe!) I got to do my first day with my dearest friend, LaShelle (@peoniesandpearlsdiy) who got her mammogram back when I first started talking about it & was diagnosed not with #breastcancer but w #lymphoma. We just happened to both be referred to the #virginiapipercancercenter in Scottsdale & happened to start the same week, so if we must do #chemo, at least we got to do it together! #blessings We are #chemobuddies & bffs for life after this! (Notice the shirts!)🙌🏻
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My biggest adventure was #coldcapping, which freezes the scalp to save the hair. Without it, I’d be completely bald in less than 2 weeks. Oj was my capper for 8.5 hours, every 20-25 min, even on the drive home & he captured some great poses as we were getting set up. In the end, it seemed to go well, even if my scalp was -32 to -30 all day long. Thanks to Ativan & Aleve for dulling that just a bit.
Also thanks to @nicolebambalere for being my capping rep & showing up to show us how it’s done right! Thanks to @cyndymick for the perfect & oh so warm blanket to keep me pink & pumped today! And thanks to my new friend I met right here, fellow #overcomer and #breastcancersurvivor, Valerie @_valeriecuevas who came to meet & sit with me today!🥰
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Last but not least, this could not be done without the incredible #chemonurses, & especially ours, Angela, who is an angel, especially to poor LaShelle who had a reaction to one of her meds. Giving her some love in the last pic, I look like a cross between Megamind and Carnac (Johnny Carson), but I was feeling only love.❤️
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I’m home. I’m wiped. So tired. Feeling well so far. The tougher days will come in a day or so. Resting until then & hoping for the best. My next session is on Halloween, so I welcome suggestions on how to beef up my look into a true costume. I’m already 70% of the way there, I think. 😜
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#thisishowwegro @ Virginia G. Piper Cancer Center at HonorHealth

October 6, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: “I Am the Storm”

When the trials and storms of life come, like #breastcancer, #depression, #ppd, #griefandloss, or any #lifechallenges, we have a choice: be overwhelmed by the storm, or BECOME the storm. 👊🏻

September 29, 2019

Thank you my new, dear friend, @amyfightsbreastcancer for this. It’s amazing the people you end up coming to know and love through this #breastcancerjourney. People like Amy, whom I met here on Instagram, who is fighting her own #breastcancerwarrior battle, and whom I got to speak with in real life for the first time on Friday, comforting me through my current challenge even as she faces hers. 👊🏻
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And so many others, like her, reaching out from their own hell fires to offer me some light and warmth. I am deeply humbled and grateful. 🙏
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And if there’s any gift I hope to receive through my own #refinersfire, it is that I might more fully reach forth in love and compassion and understanding to all I come across in need. That’s what keeps me going. It’s what fuels my inner fire—That I might be a bucket of water for someone else. That is what makes this all worth it. 🔥 💦 ❤️.

September 26, 2019

#BreastCancerWarrior: When Bumps Arise-Overcome, Become, Flourish 🤗

Things have not gone according to plan lately, and I’ve found myself back in the hospital, two weeks post-double surgery, just when I thought I was finally getting some sense of order back in my life. Im learning it’s just the way it is with #breastcancer and basically, life. I’m also learning I can #overcome, #become and #flourish simultaneously through this experience, and you can too. 👊🏻

September 11, 2019

7 weeks ago today I was recovering from my #DoubleMastectomy, just one week after my #breastcancerdiagnosis. Oj & I woke at 5 am, arrived at 6, and the 4-5 hour surgery began at 7. I asked OJ to take some video to document the experience, for one because we were extremely bored, waiting, also because he was practically falling asleep, but really, because I was so flooded with #anxiety I thought I might drown if left to my own thoughts! This is what came if it—the light and fun beginning moments before the whirlwind that just keeps continuing. 🌬 (He does keep me entertained! Scroll to see both clips. 🎥).
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Tomorrow, this will be me again as we execute phase two of this #breastcancer and #brca1 positive journey, as I undergo my #breastreconstruction surgery (Goodbye “rock monsters”!! 🤩) and right after, a complete #hysterectomy. By this time tomorrow, I will 🤞🏻 be on my way to: 1) looking like a normal woman again (no more pole-dancer boobs!) 👏🏻, 2) sleeping on my side again 🙌🏻😴🤗, and 3) I will also officially be in #menopause. 😳. So many changes to my body in such a short period of time; it’s truly mind-boggling. 🤯🥴🤷‍♀️
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How am I feeling? Positive. Optimistic. Ready. And also, super-😩 that here we go again. It is what it is, and I am seeking to make the best of it. 👊🏻
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What do I need? Just love. 🥰 And prayers. And anyone who knows my #kids or OJ, please send them some love & let them know you’re thinking of them too. They are the silent heroes in this all, hanging in with me every step of this crazy, ongoing process. And if menopause hits as hard as I’ve long feared it would (due to my significant history of hormonal-based #mentalhealth challenges—#ppd, #anxiety, #pms, #depression 😬), then they will all REALLY need your love & support. 🤬😱🥵 Thank goodness the incomparable @drbethdupree convinced the male docs to allow me to try #hormonereplacementtherapy! 🙏🙏🙏
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See you on the other side. #ivegotthis 💪🏼

September 4, 2019

Week 7 post #breastcancer diagnosis and week 6 post-#DoubleMastectomy, I’m feeling “Wonder Woman Strong”. It might not last long, with double surgery next week & chemo to follow, but “feel the strength when it’s there,” I say. Then let yourself rest again…

August 29, 2019

What to Say/Do To Support Others through #ToughTimes: #BRCA Week 6 💗

6 weeks ago, when I was diagnosed with #breastcancer, I knew it would mean a “sifting” Of relationships. Having experienced serious loss & trauma & #mentalillness before, I’ve experienced this before. Why is it so hard for us to know how to be there for each other during major #lifechange? What SHOULD we say or do? Here are my suggestions…

August 28, 2019

August 25, 2019

Found the loosest dress I could find today, piled my hair up, and snuck into another ward’s (not my usual church time’s) sacrament meeting, just so I could have a few minutes of peace and quiet to think of my Savior and renew the covenants I’ve made to “always remember Him.”
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I slept too late to go to my own ward at 9, and even though I’ve had miserable discomfort & pain after my last expansion on Friday, & even though I woke tired & emotional, I knew it would be good for my soul to be in a holy place for even a little bit.
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The sacrament hymn? “Thy Will, Oh Lord, Be Done.” It brought tears to my eyes, because this is my prayer and my plea—that I can walk this road knowing I’m never alone and ALLOW His will to be done.
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I don’t believe God GAVE me #breastcancer. That’s all due to my genes. But I believe He allowed me to have to face this challenge because He knows the reward will be great on the other side. He is pruning me. He is refining me, once again. And though it be tough & I too often ask, “Why?” I know the answer: because He loves me & He wants to help me become ALL I have the #potential to #become.
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I don’t often share my #testimony here, because as a #psychologist I’m supposed to “keep my #faith separate.” But the truth is, it’s NEVER separate from me. I AM my faith, my testimony. I AM a daughter of God and I am being made ever more pure & like Him. This I know, always, & even more so now.
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And so, like these pictures, I will continue to get up, put one foot in front of the other & try & do my best on this latest “muddy” path. I will plant myself, and I will #grow and #flourish. 🌺

August 24, 2019

These words from @jessrachelsharp speak straight to my soul at this time in my life.
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I hope they speak to yours, too, saying…
“Be gentle. It will be okay. You have #overcome so much and will continue to be an #overcomer, and one day, you will see how much you’ve #become and you will #flourish. You are not alone. I am walking this path with you.”
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You’re not. I am. He is. 💗💗💗

August 23, 2019

5 weeks ago, I was diagnosed with #triplenegativebreastcancer, stage 1. 4 weeks ago, I had a double mastectomy. 3 weeks ago, I learned I am #BRCA1positive. Today I do my last #expanders for my #breastreconstruction. In two weeks, I have two more surgeries, & yesterday, I learned if I have to do #chemo…
I am an #overcomer. I am a #warrior. So are YOU.

August 20, 2019

Working on this #mindset this week, as emotions are high in our home & fear is high, too. Find out about hysterectomy tomorrow & chemo (hopefully) on Thursday.
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It does feel like the end of the world most days, at least the end of my world as I know it. Just weeks ago I was traveling & speaking & finishing my #masteryofmotherhood book. I was #flourishing for the 1st time in a long time—up and at ‘em every morning, exercising, there for my kids when they struggled & feeling like an incredible mom. In a few weeks I was supposed to be heading to my next #highperformancemastermind in UT & speaking at several events… but now…
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My world HAS changed, but it’s temporary. I know I won’t “get back to normal,” but I know there WILL be a NEW “normal” that has the potential to be even better than before, because I’m learning & I’m growing & I’m receiving endless #grace. I need to keep reminding myself of that.
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Yes, it’s unpleasant now. But it’s not the end of the world. And more importantly, it’s not the end of ME. I am fighting. I am doing whatever it takes to not just be #cancerfree now, but to be so for years to come. I am fighting for my sisters and brother & daughters & sons & grandchildren to be cancer free for life, too.
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It doesn’t feel like fighting most days. It feels more like sleeping in & resting & dealing w pain & sorting through waves of intense emotions—my own and my children’s. It feels like sobbing one minute & feeling angry the next, with interspersed moments of deep #gratitude & yes, even joy.
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I guess that’s what “fighting” is. I need to remind myself of so many things. 💗

August 8, 2019

Post-#DoubleMastectomy Day 15: You’ll think I’m crazy…& I’ll think you’re right.
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Yes. This is a picture of me, today. I dressed up & left the house for the first time in weeks to speak at a conference across town. I agreed, after surgery, to still do it, figuring it was in town and I’d only be speaking for 20 min & hoping I would be strong enough by today.
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I woke feeling ultra sore. These #expanders are kinda the worst. Like rocks in my chest, especially after the Dr started the expansion process yesterday. Heavy. Aching. Miserable. So, basically I exchanged the drains for this. 🤷‍♀️
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I also woke feeling heavy, emotionally. Lots going on here w my kids & such, in addition to processing everything & grieving, & it felt rough. I turned to Downton Abbey & an attempted nap.
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When the time came to put some slides together & head to the #azperinataltrustconference, I rallied. Dosed my pain w ibuprofen, curled my hair, put on makeup and the only dress that fit not too-snugly and went to speak to a room full of nurses & doctors about trauma-informed care for #perinatalmooddisorders.
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My message? “You can’t tell by looking.” I was the example. I told them that 3 weeks from yesterday I was diagnosed w #breastcancer, that 2 weeks ago I had a double mastectomy, that only yesterday I finally got out my drains and started the expanders, that I was living in the midst of #trauma, but you’d never know…unless you asked. I shared my last #postpartum experience, the picture of our happy family only one month after Shannon died, 3 months after Rob died, how we smiled & you’d never know…unless you asked.
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To all of you, I say, “Ask.” Look in their eyes and ask how they’re REALLY doing. Listen. Be willing to hear. Be a safe space. And ASK for help & support when you need it too.
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I’m beat. Back in bed. But grateful I shared my brief message today for a cause dear to my heart. “You can’t tell by looking,” so ASK. 💗

August 5, 2019

Post-#DoubleMastectomy Day 12-“Honor the Struggle”… 👊🏻
How can we cope w the roller-coaster Of #change? “Honor the struggle.” Thank you Brendon Burchard – Live. Love. Matter. & Sherry Richert Belul for this reminder today. 💗

Thank you @margotyoga for creating this image after hearing me teach the principle of FEELing at #psiconf2019 just a few weeks ago. Crazy how quickly things can change. Who knew I’d be re-needing my own advice, once again, so soon?
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And yet, here I am, feeling and dealing and yes, healing a little at a time. That’s the only way, you know. Healing without #feeling isn’t healing at all; it’s a temporary bandage for an unseen, gaping wound.
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Whatever you are experiencing today, be it tough or rough or just not enough, be it sad or mad or even be it glad, FEEL it. Freely. With love. And you will eventually know #healing, and living, & #joy. 💗

August 4, 2019

Post-#DoubleMastectomy Day 11: These pics about cover the last few days. Lots of time in bed, finally sleeping solidly (which is a HUGE help), and finally got my hair washed again (this time w a poncho in the bathtub since I still can’t shower. Getting creative!)
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I am deeply grateful for so much love and concern throughout this entire process, and especially after my last video explaining some of the emotional side of things. I’ve still got a long way to go to process through all of this, but I am feeling stronger, I’m off heavy pain pills so feeling clearer, and even walked around the block yesterday! I am giving myself time and space to just feel what I feel, & today I feel good.
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Still no definitive word on chemo or when my next surgeries will be, but I should have some answers in a week or so. In the meantime, I’m staying down, resting, and catching up on a whole lot of TV, movies, and napping while I can! The kids and OJ are doing well and happy (OJs gotten to golf! 😅), and a huge thank you to my dear mother-in-law, @lhibbert for being here too.
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Huge thanks to all who have sent cards or messages or gifts, like this one pictured from my incredible mentor @deangraziosi ‘s team. It feels good to feel loved. It strengthens me more than you know.
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Love to all! 💗💗💗

My sis-in-law @misslpe sent me this and can I just say I agree 💯?!
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Somehow, no matter what storms have come in my life (& if you know me, there have been MANY), I’ve always known there is purpose in the pain, meaning in the mess, and Divinity in the disruptions.
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This current disruption has been full of the Divine, daily miracles, and somehow, a greater meaning and purpose than I could ever have imagined. Not to say that it’s easy. But it’s easiER when I can see the path being cleared, and right now, I can. 💗
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What disruptions have cleared a path for you in your life?

August 2, 2019

Post #DoubleMastectomy Day 9– When the emotions start to set in…don’t do this. Instead, try this… 💗 #keepingitreal

August 1, 2019

This is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, because it’s just so darn true.
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So much of #life is unpredictable, overwhelming, sudden, challenging, too much, and it leaves us questioning, “Why?”
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“‘Why do those we love have to die to soon?’ ‘Why must we continually find ourselves falling?’ ‘Why is all this growing so difficult?’ (This Is How We Grow, p 32)
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I’ve been tempted to ask, “Why?” lately. Thank goodness I know instead to ask, “How?” 💗
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July 31, 2019

Post-#doublemastectomy, Day 7– The truth about #breastcancer surgery, as I see it…❤️

July 30, 2019

Post-#doublemastectomy Day 6– Wow. So much to say and yet, how to say it?
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First, the good news: I am officially #cancerfree! 🙌🏻👏🏻🙏😍 That’s the upside of a fast surgery, for sure. The surgery went as well as it could possibly go. My doctors & nurses were ah-mazing, and both the tumor and the lymph nodes had clear margins! So, best case scenario all around. 👊🏻😅
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Recovery is slow but steady. Up and down. Trying not to overdo it on “good” days and coping pretty well w pain and having to be completely down (not my strength). The kids and OJ and my mom have been life savers to me, literally.
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Emotionally? I can’t quite say. Up and down. It all still feels unreal, to be honest. Lots of pieces to take in. But overall, underlying everything I feel deeply, truly grateful. 🙏
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Im especially grateful for all the love and prayers from friends and family & so many I’ve never even met around the globe. My BFF, Leonore, drove from Phx to visit me today, & so many have stopped by or texted or called or sent a little something in the mail. It helps more than you could know and means a great deal to me.
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These pics show the “highlights,” including Leonore’s visit, hanging in my “spot” w Sydney, getting my hair washed finally, how I get to ride in cars now, and of course the oh-so-stylish setup of drains and anesthesia attached to me 24/7. Hoping to share more news tomorrow in a video. Love and gratitude to all. ❤️❤️❤️
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July 25, 2019

July 24, 2019
Day of Double Mastectomy

July 23, 2019

July 22, 2019

Post-#BRCA Diagnosis Day 6: “Live in the paradox,” and don’t take a single thing for granted.

Also Update: We are a go for double mastectomy surgery this Wed at 7:15 am. Thank you for all the prayers and love! 💗

#breastcancerwarrior #breastcancer

July 20, 2019

Post-diagnosis Day 4: It’s all moving very quickly, which is a miracle and huge blessing. I will be having a double mastectomy on Wed morning. Mostly right now I’m trying to let my emotions catch up and be processed and mentally prepared. There are other moving pieces we still don’t know… More details in this video. Thank you for all the love everyone. It is helping more than you know. 💕

July 19, 2019

Let’s do this. 👊🏻 #beatingbreastcancer

July 18, 2019

“There are a million ways to be strong.” #breastcancer #faceyourfears #thisishowwegrow

July 17, 2019
DAY OF DIAGNOSIS

Don’t really know how else to share this. ❤️