28 Mar What it Really Means to “Be Strong”
I have long pondered what it really means to “be strong,” and I think, for the most part, we’ve got it wrong.
Especially we women and mothers, who too often believe “strength” is:
- doing it all on our own
- never needing help
- doing it “well” all the time
- never slowing down
- never burning out
- being there for everyone
- taking others’ burdens on
- not slowing down to take care of ourselves
And then, when we can’t do these things? When we can’t do it on our own? When we do need help? When we are burned out? What do we tell ourselves?
“I’m weak.”
Oh, how wrong we are, my friends!
It isn’t weak to practice self-care or need a break. It isn’t weak to admit something isn’t right with us. It isn’t weak to reach out for some love, support, or professional help.
In fact, to me, this is strength.
As I wrote in This is How We Grow, “Perhaps, being truly strong means being vulnerable enough to allow our story to be written— to accept where we are, learn the lessons we are taught and courageously live the story we are given, no matter how over- or under-whelming it may seem.”
To me, strength requires vulnerability.
Listen to or watch “What it Really Means to Be Strong,” on Motherhood TV, featuring guest Rachel Martin of FindingJoy.net!
Recently, I had the pleasure of discussing “being strong” with a truly strong and remarkable woman, author of The Brave Art of Motherhood, Rachel Martin.
Rachel is a single mom of 7 kids (SEVEN!) and an excellent example of someone who’s been “through it” and come out stronger on the other side.
BUT…she didn’t do it perfectly. She didn’t do it alone. And she certainly didn’t do it without help, all of which has made her even stronger.
So, how did she do it? Just like you will…One day, one step, one real moment at a time. Listen to her words, below, and consider the thoughts I’ve added to them. Then, listen to or watch the full Motherhood episode, above, because believe me, it’s worth it. It’s one of my all-time favorites!
1) “Here’s my real. Come into my space. I love you for your real, too.”
Oh, how I love this! This is strength, my friends! This is that vulnerability that allows us to show how we really are, and that invites others to connect with us so we can be there for each other. Realness is my jam, 100%.
2) “Sometimes, we’re forced to be strong, but we need someone to say, ‘Thank goodness you’re so strong, but what can I do?'”
So many times, we praise others for holding it together, bearing their burdens with grace, for “being strong,” when really, they don’t feel they have a choice, and even more so, they’d welcome help all the same. Yes, we might be “strong” and handling it well, but that doesn’t mean we don’t need a friend, someone to help bear the burden so perhaps we don’t have to be quite so “strong” for a while.
3) “From the exterior, you might think, ‘She’s got it together,’ but behind the picture, there’s this greater story…. Everybody has a story, and you can have great moments juxtaposed with moments that are deeply challenging.”
Can you relate? I know you can, because this is so many of our stories. We hold it together. We pull it together, especially in public. But deep inside, we struggle. We fear. It’s hard. We all have a story, and this paradox of life, as I call it, is prevalent: the good with the bad and the ugly, all mixed into one. Don’t assume anyone is as pulled together as she seems, my friends. Always ask, because often, you can’t tell by looking.
4) “Let’s re-examine busy.”
Yes, lets! Busyness is not strength. It’s not a badge of honor to be constantly rushing and running to and fro, never stopping to breathe. We miss out on so much when we fail to slow down. True strength involves stopping, re-examining, and seeing what is good and what is not so good, so we can adjust and re-align.
Me, last week, practicing self-compassion with some much-needed sunshine and alone time at the beach.
5) “I love that (our kids) can see us taking care of ourselves, because it teaches them to take care of themselves their entire life.”
Amen! I preach this all the time, because it’s TRUE. As we develop our talents and strengths and share them with others, our children do so, too. As we see and live into our full potential, we show our kids the way to do the same. This is what Mastery Of Motherhood is all about, mom friends. It’s about being the role model, showing our “real,” trying, failing, and getting back up; it’s about developing ourselves and being the leader for our families and all around us.
THIS is strength, my friends. This is strength.
Join me for Mastery Of Motherhood (MOM) Live!
