Mom Mental Health (& Happiness): The Importance of Alone Time (+ video)

02 Apr Mom Mental Health (& Happiness): The Importance of Alone Time (+ video)

It’s hard being a mom 24/7–all year long, for years and years. Sure, there are plenty of benefits (the love of your child, for one), but it’s a tough job—truly one of the toughest.

 

Trust me—I get it

As a mom of six, I’ve experienced the ups and downs of pregnancy, postpartum, toddlerhood, starting school, middle school, tweens, high school, teens, up late, up early, no sleep, exhaustion. I know how hard it can be as a mom to simply keep up, let alone get any time for yourself.

Like most moms, I’ve struggled over the years to give myself a break, but I finally get it, deep in my bones: It is imperative I make time to be alone. As I write in my memoir, This is How We Grow, “I crave alone time. It’s a basic need. Too much time together drains me, and I feel tired, overstimulated, and not like myself. Give me some time alone, however, and I come alive—pondering, creating, and engaging.” (p. 152) I’ve learned about the power that alone time has to offer, the power of reconnecting me, recharching me, and inspiring me so I return even stronger than before.

 

The Importance of Alone Time

Watch this “3-Minute Therapy” video on my YouTube Channel on Motherhood & Mental Health: The Importance of Alone Time. Then read on, below!

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As a psychologist, I know the research, and the research is clear: Alone time is essential for emotional/mental/ spiritual/social/physical health, and a key element of true happiness.

By “alone time” what I really mean is time away from your role as a mother—time to be YOU, to unwind, relax, rest, revive. This can include taking a nap, sleeping in, reading, hiking, going out with a friend, doing a project or activity you enjoy, or anything that helps you feel like the real you and builds your health and strength. Some need more or less alone time, but all will benefit from a few minutes each day, hours each week, and/or days away each year.

 

Consequences of No Alone Time

When we fail to give ourselves regular “breaks,” we are more likely to suffer the following consequences:

• Mental health disturbances like depression, anxiety, burnout, and extreme stress that can lead to…

• Physical health disturbances like headaches, backaches, sleep disturbance, weight gain, greater susceptibility to illness, heart problems, and overall poorer health.

• Failing to take care of our needs is also associated with poorer parenting practices, greater parenting distress, less patience, satisfaction, and joy in our role as mothers, and yes, more extreme discipline and even child abuse.

Failing to give yourself a break is like loading a seesaw from both ends with heavier and heavier weight. Eventually, the board will snap! Your brain, without time away, will eventually do the same. In fact, recently a client of mine who is a wonderful mother and person—someone many people admire—found herself in the mental hospital because she had been unwilling to slow down, unwind, and ask for help.

We don’t have to do this to ourselves.

 

Alone Time: It’s Worth It

It’s disturbing to see so many clients, friends, posts on Facebook, wondering whether it’s really important to carve out some time alone. They express frustration about even trying because it can feel so impossible. They start to wonder if it’s worth even it.

I’m here to set the record straight: It’s worth it.

It’s not only worth it, it’s crucial. When we keep pushing ourselves without a break, it’s like drawing from a well we

never refill. Eventually, it’s going to dry out, and so are we. It’s not a matter of IF we burn out and suffer these consequences mentioned above. It’s a matter of WHEN.

And when we do, we are not the only ones who suffer. When we’re unhealthy, our kids suffer. Our husbands/partners suffer. Our families suffer. Our world suffers.

We need healthy moms who understand the value of time away, time alone, time to be well.

 

What stands in your way?

If you’re a mom who struggles to give yourself some alone time, what stands in your way? Do you feel guilty if you take a break, if you relax, rest, enjoy yourself? Do you feel like you don’t deserve it? Like you’re not working hard enough if you let yourself get away for a bit?

I find the number one thing that stands in our way of alone time is OURSELVES.

We feel like it’s not absolutely necessary, so it must not be important, or we feel like a “bad mom” if we’re not playing with our kids all the time, or we feel like, in taking some time alone, we send the message our kids aren’t important enough to be with them all the time. These are just not true.

First, it is absolutely necessary to get away regularly, for the very reasons I stated above, and also because it’s part of discovering your own happiness and joy. It’s part of becoming your true self, feeling your self-worth, and living a life of meaning and purpose.

Second, you are a much “better” mom when you give yourself time away, to just be “you,” than when you don’t. Don’t you agree, one of the most important things for a child is that he has a  mom who is healthy and happy? I sure do. Being a healthy, happy mom is important to raising healthy, happy kids.

Third, taking some time alone sends the message that self-care is important and shows your kids how to do the same. It teaches them to love themselves and rise to their highest potential. Your kids might complain when you leave their side at first, but eventually, they’ll learn the bigger, more important lessons.

 

Commit to Your Own Health and Happiness Today

I hope this gets you thinking about what alone time might do for you (and for your children and family). I hope you can see how important some time away from being a mom is to your health and happiness.

I ask you to commit today. Commit to your own health–mental and physical. Commit to your own well-being and happiness. Commit to prioritizing alone time. Your whole family will reap the benefits.

 

I know. Now the question is, “HOW do I actually get alone time?” 

Check out Part 2: Mom Mental Health: HOW to Get Alone Time (25+ Strategies!)

 

I want to know what you think/feel about this. Is it hard for you to give yourself alone time? If so, what stands in your way? Do you feel the importance of alone time? Leave a comment, below, and let us know!

Be sure to check out Dr. Hibbert’s Amazon Bestseller, This is How We Grow–

available now on Amazon.com!

 

 

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