13 Feb “The 5 Love Languages”: Improve Relationships & Feel the Love
“She doesn’t understand my needs at all!”
“If he really loved me, he would show it!”
“We’re living like roommates now–the spark is completely gone.”
As a Clinical Psychologist, I hear these complaints all the time. Couples who don’t understand each other, couples who don’t feel loved, couples who fear they’re beyond repair. And I get it–maintaining strong relationships is one of the toughest parts of life.
But, to the couples who have small struggles, to those with seemingly huge struggles, and to all in between, I say this: You’re never past repair until you quit. As long as you’re both willing to work on your relationship, there’s always hope. And the one tool I believe offers the most hope is “The 5 Love Languages”.1
The Problem with Intimate Relationships
I recently posted the following question on my Facebook page: “In your opinion, what is one of the biggest roadblocks to relationship success?” Some of the responses I received included: “Failure to communicate,” “Being too busy to take time for each other,” “Lack of appreciation,” “When your spouse just doesn’t care,” “Expecting the other person to make you happy,” “Lying,” “Money disagreements,” “Infidelity,” “Insecurity,” “Selfishness.”
Great answers–true answers–but sad ones. It’s sad to me that so many couples feel so disconnected, disengaged, even disgusted with one another. Sure there are some whose partners really have changed for the worse, who aren’t invested in the relationship anymore. But for most, this isn’t the case. For most of us, the problem is always the same: We never learned how to communicate love. In fact, look at the list above again. All of those issues could potentially be solved if couples were better able to give and receive love. All of them.
And “The 5 Love Languages” are key in being able to give and receive love. Let’s take a look.
The 5 Love Lanugages
The idea is that we each speak our own language of love, and until you understand and learn to speak your partner’s language, you will continue to struggle. The 5 languages include:
1) Acts of Service
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Receiving Gifts
5) Physical Touch
Most of us have 1 or 2 main ways we prefer to receive love, and this is usually how we choose to show love too. The trouble comes when I’m speaking “spending time” to a partner who only speaks “gift-giving” or vice versa. It’s only once I learn to speak my husband’s language that he will really feel the love I am trying to show.
3 Minutes to a Stronger Relationship? Watch this “Love Languages” video!
This 3-minute video explains it all. Go grab your spouse, partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend, and sit down together. 3 minutes that can change your relationship for the better? I say it’s worth your while! “The 5 Love Languages” have made a huge difference in my marriage and I’ve seen it work for countless others too. And the best part is that the “5 Love Languages” can not only improve your marriage or partnership–it can improve any kind of relationship. Trust me, you’re about to learn one of the best things you’ve ever learned!
So, what do you think? Any questions, comments, concerns? Are you gonna give the “Love Languages” a try? Have you tried it already? Please leave a comment below and let us know how it goes!
For more on relationships and love, be sure to check out my bestselling memoir,
Available now on Amazon.com!
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Related 30SecondMom Tips from Dr. Hibbert:
Relationships: Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood (video)
Feel the Love!: Improve Communication with The Love Languages (video)
Starting Over: What to Say when a Conversation Turns South (video)
Resources:
1. Learn more, buy Dr. Chapman’s book, or take “The 5 Love Languages” quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com!
Beyond a shadow of a doubt, my bride is all five languages — all the time. If every word of those five languages aren’t being spoken — simultaneously — it’s as though none of them are.
It’s okay, though. I’m a man and I can handle exhausting things! 🙂
Because it’s not the easiest thing in the world, my pretty bride has certainly accused me of not loving her at all. So, it’s led me to think the five love languages can lead to a selfish kind of love-needing. “The way this person is trying to show me love is not getting through to me, so, I can only conclude he does not love me — even though he says it and acts it. It’s just not what I want.”
I love your attitude–especially your line, “I’m a man and I can handle exhausting things.” Relationships certainly can be exhausting, can’t they? i appreciate your point that the “Love Languages” can be taken the wrong way if we’re not careful. The point, for both partners, is to recognize that we are each responsible to make sure our spouse knows how we best receive love and to then open ourselves up to their attempts to show it. We need to focus on our own efforts to show love to them too. If your wife struggles to accept the love you show her–in all 5 languages, she may be experiencing a deeper trial, perhaps a struggle of self-worth. When we struggle to love ourselves, it’s very difficult to let love in. Even if it’s being freely offered in 5 different languages. Best wishes to you and your lovely bride.