"Mothering Through the Whirlwind:" 3 Sanity Saving Strategies

15 Jun “Mothering Through the Whirlwind”: 3 Sanity-Saving Strategies

Posted at 14:45h in Motherhood by Dr. Christina Hibbert 0 Comments

Mothering Through the Whirlwind-3 Sanity-Saving Strategies; www.DrChrisitnaHibbert.com I have to say this episode of my new radio show, Motherhood, has been my favorite so far. Perhaps it’s because the topic is the one I need most right now–and always, it seems.

Try as I may, I just can’t seem to stop the whirlwinds of kids and family and work and life. I catch myself all the time saying, “It’s a whirlwind right now. Hoping it settles soon!” Yet, it never quite does.

I’ve been in intense whirlwinds that included death and grief and overcoming very difficult things, and whirlwinds that are just part of having a large family at the end of a school year, during the summer, at the start of a school year, or during the holidays (wait, that’s pretty much all year long, isn’t it?).

Seasons of Mothering, Life, & Growth

Different whirlwinds also come depending on the season of life we’re in. Whether you’re in the season of babies, sleepless nights, and showerless days; or the season of just trying to keep up with school kids’ schedules and activities; or the season of teenagers keeping you awake at night for a whole different set of reasons—every season has its whirlwinds.

And every season of life carries with it seasons of growth.

From fall, when things suddenly change and shift; to winter, when everything feels cold and dark; or spring, which is unpredictable as you try to grow but then find yourself buried once more in snow; to summer, when it’s your time to shine. The seasons of growth continue to come whether we want them to or not., and can be a major contributor to or creator of life’s whirlwinds.

3 Sanity-Saving Strategies for Mothering Through the Whirlwinds

My guest on this week’s show, author Tamara Passey, and I had a fabulous conversation about some of our own whirlwinds, and we each shared a few strategies we’ve discovered to help us get through. It was such an inspiring conversation I just had to share a few of these things with you here! I also hope you’ll visit the link below and give yourself a “break” by listening to this incredible show!
Listen to the whole “Mothering Through the Whirlwind” broadcast here

or watch it on my YouTube channel !

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(Other episodes of “Motherhood” on WebTalkRadio.net).

1) Be a “dedicated caregiver.”
Tamara shares a moving story about where this term came from (listen to the show to hear it), but

Me with my kids, standing between my sisters’ graves. Death has definitely created some pretty tough whirlwinds for our family.

the main idea is that, no matter how crazy or chaotic life may become, the best possible outcomes arrive through dedication. Dedication to our kids. Dedication to our family. Dedication to our role as mother, and to ourselves.

Dedication gets us up in the middle of the night to care for a sick child when we’re exhausted. It keeps us going in the evening, when the second shift is in full swing with homework, rides, dinner, and bedtime. It keeps us going through the toughest whirlwinds. Dedication is what makes a mother a mother.

Dedication will look different for each of us, but Tamara suggests three things we can focus on: Being engaged, being available, and being ready to respond. I’ve added a few questions you can ask yourself to see how you’re doing on each of these:

• Be Available. Ask yourself, “Am I around when my kids need me?” “Am I emotionally available when my kids have a problem or need emotional support?” “What can I do to make myself more available to my children, despite the whirlwinds?”

• Be Engaged. Ask yourself, “Am I engaged with my kids?” “Do I tune them out when I get too tired or busy?” “Am I focusing my attention on the things that matter most to me?” “Do I get distracted with social media, TV, internet, or phone calls when my kids are seeking my attention?” If anything feels lacking in this area, then ask, “What would help me engage with my kids on their level more easily?”

• Respond. Ask yourself, “When my kids engage with me, do I respond readily?” “Do I really hear them when they ask me a question, and do I reply?” “What could help me respond more effectively to my children?”

2) Practice regular self-appraisal.
We need to stop and take note of how we’re doing regularly, as moms and as individuals. When the whirlwinds come, we’re especially vulnerable to physical or mental illness, and stress is often one of the biggest causes. It’s crucial to check in with ourselves so the whirlwinds don’t carry us off completely. Here are a few tips:

• Find quiet time each day. I know it’s hard when you’re a mom, but we NEED time to be still, to ponder, to just be. You may just sit and watch the clouds, practice deep breathing, read scripture or a book that uplifts you, practice mindful meditation, pray, and/or journal. Whatever helps you get quiet and hear what’s really going on in you, do that. (This might help you find alone time!)

• Practice self-love. Part of loving ourselves is taking that good, honest look at where we really are, at what we really need. Then, once we know what we need, we must lovingly take care of it, just like we’d do for our children.

• Don’t compare. It does no good to compare where you are or your needs to anyone else. If you want to compare, then compare where you are now with where you have the potential to be—compare yourself to your best self, and then work to become her.

3) Be a “self-respecting” mother.
This involves respecting your needs, the things that replenish you, and the things that light you up. Ask yourself, “How can I give myself a ‘place of honor’ in my own mind, in my home, and in my life and my children’s life?” Being self-respecting also means to:

• Live with integrity. Integrity is one of the greatest values, in my opinion. I see integrity as

Later, after visiting the gravesites, at the funeral of OJ’s grandfather. We try to stay enthusiastic about life even in the midst of so much death.

actually living the things you value, living authentically and honestly and true to your best self. Tamara considers integrity as “wholeness,” which I love. It’s living life in a “real” way. It also involves being enthusiastic.

• Be enthusiastic. It may seem counterintuitive to try to be enthusiastic about the “whirlwinds,” but how important this is! When we can dedicate ourselves to the process and enthusiastically face our challenges, we bring joy and peace and yes, even a little fun, to life.

• Practice self-care. I’m always talking about this on “Motherhood,” because it’s such an important part of being a mom. If we’re not strong, healthy, and happy, then our families won’t be either. (Read more on self-care here and here, and then make sure to listen to the whole show for more tips!)

I realize these things can be tricky, so listen to the show for a few more ideas on how to actually make these things happen. But, setting a goal and working toward it is a great beginning.

Bottom line:
We may not be able to stop the whirlwinds from appearing and picking us up from time to time, but we can control how we handle the whirlwinds when they come.

Rededicate yourself to your role as a mother, no matter how stressful it gets (and even more so in times of stress), make time for self-appraisal, and then respect yourself enough to care for yourself.

You can (and will) survive the whirlwinds with sanity. And if you choose to, they can be some of the best fertilizer for personal growth. Someday, you will even flourish—just be patient until the whirlwind sets you back down.