Emotional Tool Box Basics

05 Apr Emotional Tool Box Basics

Emotional Tool Box Basics

If you’re going to build or grow anything you’ll need tools. If it’s a house you’ll need a hammer and nails. If it’s a garden you’ll need a spade and seeds. And if you want to build or grow yourself, your relationships, or your family you’ll need a solid emotional tool box.

Any good tool box starts with the basics. Basic “coping tools” should likewise form the foundation of your emotional tool box. We all know that life can take a physical, emotional, and spiritual toll. It’s hard to build much of anything if you’re having a hard time just coping with what life brings. It’s therefore essential that you gather the physical, emotional, and spiritual tools you need to replenish your energy and increase your capacity to cope.

Physical Tools:

Physical tools are the most basic layer of your emotional tool box. They seem simple but are powerful, for they sustain the body and provide the energy needed to get you through. Years ago I read that whenever you’re in a bad mood it’s because you don’t have enough energy to match what you’re being asked to do. Think about it. Too little energy significantly affects mood. It is therefore critical that we keep our energy up using these basic physical tools:

1. Sleep. We need sleep for energy, plain and simple. Sleep disturbance is one of the most common symptoms of distress, so if you’re not sleeping well or getting “enough” sleep each week, it’s time to get back to basics and make sleep a priority.
2. Nutrition. If you’re malnourished you simply won’t be very effective. Learning to think of nutrition as the “gas” you put into your system can help. Would you put garbage into your car and expect it to run well? Hopefully not, so why would you do the same to your body? Nutrition should focus on what to eat as well as what not to eat. Eat for health and vibrance, putting into your body those foods that increase energy, clarity, even youth.
3. Exercise. If number one and number two aren’t in place exercise will be more difficult, but exercise is very important. It’s not only another way to increase energy; regular exercise has countless health benefits, helps you sleep better at night, and usually motivates better nutrition. It’s also one of the best ways to clear your head, de-stress, and problem-solve. Whatever you love to do can count if you do it hard and long enough—gardening, walking, skating, cycling, hiking, snowboarding, even housecleaning (who loves that, right? I have a friend who does!). The point is to get your body moving. Your mind and spirit will thank you!

Emotional Tools:

If the physical tools aren’t in place, it’s much harder to utilize the emotional tools. When energy is low and fatigue sets in, it’s simply harder to cope with emotions. But once you get the basics of physical tools, emotional tools are very effective, allowing your emotions to arise and be expressed in healthy ways. Basic emotional coping tools include:

1. Feel emotions. Our natural tendency is too run from painful emotions. But when we run we never actually deal with the situation at hand. Making ourselves sit down, take a deep breath, and feel the emotions we fear can teach us that our emotions are less powerful than we tend to believe.
2. Express emotions (TEARS). TEARS stands for Talking, Exercise or physical activity, Artistic expression, Recording and writing about emotions, and Sobbing, crying and just letting it out. I created this effective method to help us know what we can do with our grief, pain, and other tough emotions. Choose one and you’ll see how effective it can be to do something productive with the emotions that are begging to come out.
3. Stop and alter your thinking.  This is one of the best tools I’ve ever learned–how to hear my thoughts, challenge them, and choose to keep them or let them go. This method allows you to see the thoughts that are driving your emotions and gives you the power to change not only the way you think but also the way that you feel. (I’m sure I will be blogging about this in more detail soon. It’s one of my favorites!)
4. Create the thoughts and emotions you desire. Beyond just dealing with thoughts and emotions that come your way, you can create the thoughts and emotions you desire. It takes focus and intention, but shifting your focusing from what you don’t want (unhealthy emotions) to what you do want (the sky’s the limit!) can make all the difference in creating the life that you desire.

Spiritual Tools

It’s hard to feel spiritually connected when your body and mind are not well; on the other hand, it’s hard for your body and mind to be well if you are not spiritually connected. Being spiritually in tune may look different for each individual, but the common principle is the same: when we are spiritually in tune we receive greater peace, guidance, and love that can lead us through troubled times and remind us we are never alone. Seeking spiritual connection is an active pursuit that may include the following basics:

1. Sacred Space: Finding space in this world of distraction is challenging, but not impossible. Where do you feel most at peace? Where can you ponder your life’s lessons? Where can you synthesize all you’ve learned and see the bigger picture? Seek your space each and every day.
2. Prayer: Even scientific research shows that prayer works. Prayer connects you to those you care about, turns your thoughts to those in need, and reminds you to be grateful for all you have already been given. Even moreso, prayer allows you to submit to that Power greater than yourself, bringing a sense of peace and calm that every one of us needs.
3. Meditation: Practicing meditation can be life-changing. Learning to still your body and mind, to breathe in the goodness and light around you, preparing yourself to receive divine partnership and counsel, can take you right out of your world of troubles and remind you of who you really are. In this busy life we must make the time to tune in to the things that matter most. Meditation is a way to help us do just that.
4. Reading sacred texts: For many, reading scriptures and other sacred texts provides the framework for healing and hope. God’s voice can be heard in these divine books, providing answers, whispering of who we are and what we’re here to do, and reminding us that we are never alone.

Like any tool box, there are countless sizes and numbers of tools to be had. These are simply “the basics”. But also like any tool box, the tools are not helpful if they are not used. So pick up a tool today and get to work building your ideal emotional health. Who knows what kind of masterpiece lies in wait for you!

What tools do you use for emotional health? Which ones might you like more information on? Leave me a comment and let me know!

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Thought Management, Part 1

“How do I grieve?’: Grief Work & TEARS